The Split Page 4

  “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Derek asks.

  I’m too stunned to speak, my jaw hanging slack as I try to comprehend the scene that’s playing out right before my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I ask. “Are you guys… dating?”

  Tara nods and then answers plainly. “We are.”

  I can’t help the confused expression that creeps across my face. “Aren’t we here because of our… sex addiction?”

  Tara laughs. “We’re not having sex!” She informs me. “We’re dating. There’s a big difference.”

  I’m still in shock, but thankfully I manage to lock down my look of amazement before it shifts into one of utter disappointment. I’ve missed out on an incredible opportunity with a real genuine man. I know Tara, and I know that she wouldn’t put up with anything less.

  “You know, Mandi, the reason for this group is to help people abstain from sex.” Tara continues. “Not abstain from human connection.”

  She’s right.

  “You still haven’t asked me your question.” Derek adds, genuinely curious. “What’s up?”

  I feel like a deer in headlight as I stand before the two of them, rejected already before I even got the chance to ask Derek out. My mind races with something else to say, trying to save myself the embarrassment that I’m helplessly barreling towards.

  “I was going to ask…” I begin, still not exactly sure were my words are going to end up.

  Derek and Tara wait patiently for me to finish. Suddenly, I’m hit with the perfect excuse.

  “Oh!” I shout, startling them. “I was going to ask if you could give me a ride home tonight. I left my car at work yesterday and had to take the bus here.”

  Derek smiles. “Oh yeah, of course. What part of town do you live in?”

  “Echo Park.” I tell him.

  “Sure thing.” Derek confirms. “I’m downtown, so that’s no problem at all.”

  “I’m gonna go say some more goodbyes.” Tara informs us, before giving Derek another quick kiss. “I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow.” She tells him.

  “The Hearth, seven thirty.” Derek responds with a smile.

  The Hearth is one of the nicest new restaurants in Los Angeles, way beyond the price range of all but the most successful Hollywood elite. I would have never pegged Derek as being all that wealthy thanks to his rugged look, complete tonight with well fitted jeans and a black leather jacket, but I guess I was mistaken.

  “Are you ready to get out of here?” Derek asks me.

  I nod and we start heading for the door.

  As Derek and I step out into the warm night air, I can’t help but be taken by his powerful stride, so controlled and yet so fierce. The church parking lot is still empty, with most of our fellow members still milling about and socializing inside.

  Derek presses his keys and a red sports car next to us beeps twice.

  “Oh my god.” I ask, unable to hide my shock. “Is this yours?”

  Derek nods and then tosses me the keys. “You want to drive it?”

  I look down at the metallic ring and then back at Derek. “Are you fucking serious? This is a half a million dollar car.”

  Derek shrugs and then climbs inside the passenger seat, leaving me to stand in the parking lot speechless.

  “I thought you wanted a ride home!” Derek calls out from the inside of the car, laughing.

  I open the door and carefully climb inside.

  “Welcome!” Says a woman’s disembodied voice as I enter the vehicle. It starts automatically.

  “What the fuck just happened?” I ask.

  “The car knows that I’m here.” Derek laughs, seemingly just as amused as I am. It’s the first time I’ve really seen him crack his calm and collected shell, but the moment is fleeting and almost immediately he’s back to his usual thoughtful self.

  “You know the way back to your place from here?” Derek asks.

  I nod.

  “Then go for it!” He tells me. “Have fun.”

  I very carefully start to pull the car out of the church parking lot, going about half the speed that I normally would as I try my best not to damage anything on the terrifyingly expensive vehicle. Derek eyes me from the passenger seat, trying desperately to keep a grin from creeping its way across his face.

  “You know, sometimes driving too carefully can be even more dangerous.” He tells me.

  I stop the car. “Then why are you letting me drive this thing?” I ask him, exasperated.

  Derek smiles. “Why not? Taking risks is fun.”

  I shake my head, “I’m sorry, I’m too scared that I’m going to fuck this car us.”

  Suddenly, a car is honking from behind us, pulling me back into reality as I realize that I’ve stopped right in the middle of the street.

  Derek gets out and waves them past, then comes over to my side and opens the door for me. “Maybe next time.” He says cheerfully.

  As we cruise down the Hollywood freeway my eyes are transfixed on Derek, who stares intently forward through the windshield as the city lights dance across his face. In Derek’s hand is a large silver coin, which he rolls between his fingers effortlessly, as if he’s been doing it for years.

  “What’s with the coin?” I ask him. “I always see you flipping it during our meetings.”

  Derek grins, but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “It’s just a reminder.”

  “A reminder of what?” I pry.

  “That there are two sides to everything.” He tells me, and then finally glances over. “Everyone.”

  “Tell me about it.” I laugh, leaning back into my seat and shutting my eyes. I’m exhausted, stressed, and as fun as it is being in the presence of such a satisfyingly handsome and mysterious man, I still have work to look forward too tomorrow. For all I know, this could be the last day of my life outside of government quarantine.

  I let out a long sigh.

  “What up?” Derek asks.

  “Work stuff.” I tell him, simplifying things to comical absurdity.

  “Ah,” he says in understanding. “I hear you.”

  I can’t help but flash Derek a slight smirk. “How old are you?” I ask him.

  “I’m guessing the same age as you.” He tells me. “Twenty-five.”

  “Twenty-four.” I respond. “So how the fuck is it that a twenty-five year old comes to be driving a car like this? I’m sorry, but I get the feeling it’s not due to any work of your own. Where are your parents.”

  Derek stops spinning his coin around his finger and pushes it into a crack in his dashboard, where it stays perfectly. “Dead.” He tells me.

  “Oh my god.” I stammer. “I’m so sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine.” Derek responds, “I mean, it’s been over a decade now. They weren’t wealthy though, if that’s what you’re thinking. All of this I earned on my own.”

  I’m shocked. “Really? That’s incredible.”

  Derek cracks a smile. “Although, you’re right about one thing, it wasn’t really work.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  Derek sighs. “I’m a gambler.” He stops and corrects himself. “Was a gambler, I should say. Blackjack, slots, but mostly poker, that’s where I made all of my money.”

  “Damn.” I say. “Well, what happened?”

  He laughs. “You’re nosy!”

  I recoil a bit.

  “I’m sorry.” Derek tells me. “I mean, I’m gonna have to talk about all of this at a meeting one of these days anyway, might as well do it now. I had to give up the gambling when things started getting out of control.”

  I nod, completely understanding.

  “The sex, the drugs, the whole lifestyle really. I was living in Vegas and playing in the high roller cash games, more money than I knew what to do with, but I wasn’t happy.” Derek takes out the coin and starts flipping it through his fingers again, some kind of coping mechanism.

  I watch Derek’s eyes as the memories seem to flood back to him.


  “One night I took a guy for about five million dollars in one game of poker, which he didn’t really seem to care about all that much. When I took his girlfriend later, though, that’s when things got ugly.”

  Derek lifts up his shirt to reveal three large scars in his side, as well as a glimpse at his utterly impeccable abs. He’s toned beyond belief under there.

  “I was stabbed three times, head smashed, broken legs.” Derek tells me. “I should be dead but an old woman found me lying out behind the Casino when she used the wrong exit door, thinking it was the way to the cashier. She was trying to cash in a token that she’d found on the floor.”

  Derek hands me the token. On one side there is an ancient Aztec woman’s face, and on the other is the image of temple with some words etched below it.

  I carefully read the inscription outloud. “The Grand Mayan Casino, One Dollar. She was trying to cash a one dollar token?” I ask.

  Derek laughs. “Actually, she thought it was for a hundred. Really bad eyesight on the poor woman, but lucky for me.”

  “Whoa.” I say. “You seem so calm and collected, I can’t even imagine you being out of control of yourself.”

  “Well, you’re kinda right.” Derek sighs. “I mean, that’s why I was so good at poker. I can keep my feelings locked up pretty well, but when you do that they have a tendency to get sneaky and turn into bad habits. That’s what the coins for, to remind me that there are two sides to everyone, even myself.”

  I nod. “You’re right.”

  Derek glances over at me again, something flickering behind his eyes. “This is crazy, I’ve never talked about this stuff with anyone before.”

  I blush slightly. “Glad I could help to open up the floodgates.”

  The two of us are silent for a moment. I can tell that Derek is thinking long and hard about something important, weighing the pros and cons in his head. “Hey, are you hungry?” He finally asks.

  I smile. “Sure, let’s grab something.”

  5

  The din of the restaurant feels good within my ears, a pleasant hum to momentarily block out all of the anxiety I’ve been swimming in over the last few days. The place is inviting, a classic kind of late night diner where the waitresses never forget to come back and refill your coffee.

  Derek sits across from me in his usual confident relaxed state, leaning back against the booth with one arm draped lazily behind him. He has the incredible ability to fit in anywhere, from a cheap burger joint to a five star restaurant. I can’t imagine the guy being anything but comfortable in his own skin, the exact thing that I’m not these days.

  There lies an intensity behind his eyes, however, that’s unmistakable. Derek is interested in me, and not just as a sexual being (although, that’s certainly in there as well). He’s curious; excited.

  “Remember the first meeting?” Derek asks. “When I asked you about your job?”

  “Yeah, I do.” I tell him, taking a sip from my coffee. I crack a smile. “Why? You want to know about my job now?”

  Derek laughs. “No. I just want to know about you.”

  I can feel a slight tugging within my heart, a tiny chill that runs down my spine. “What do you want to know?”

  Derek is silent for a moment, his eyes narrowing a bit as he sizes me up. He’s trying to determine my tolerance for his prodding, but it doesn’t take him long to make up his mind and dive in; a true risk taker.

  “Tell me about why you’ve been going to meetings for two years.” He says.

  I look down instinctively, my identity exposed and dragged up onto the chopping block. You’d think after all of this time, all of this sharing, I would finally be about to express myself about what brought me to this sad, lonely place in my life.

  “I was married once.” I tell Derek.

  He seems slightly confused, but does his best not to show it.

  “I know,” I laugh. “We we’re only eighteen years old, high school sweethearts, actually.”

  “Sounds kinda nice.” Derek says. “Settling down that early and not having to worry about all of this bullshit.”

  I nod. “I was, at first. But the thing about getting married to someone that early in life is that you really don’t know them, and people can change a lot. Even the sweetest men can get dark and bitter, especially when they come from a family of alcoholics.”

  “Don’t I know it.” Derek tells me. “My father was the perfect American man until he had a couple of beers in him.”

  “There’s two sides to everyone.” I say, throwing his own line back at him.

  Derek continues listening, but instinctively pulls out his coin as I speak, and then starts flipping it across his fingers quietly.

  “Anyway, as we got older, my husband, Chet, started to change. In our youth his petty jealousy just came off as childish, something that would eventually blow over as he matured and started to figure himself out, but it only got worse as time went on and the liquor kept flowing.”

  Derek is listening intently, hanging on every word that comes out of my mouth. There’s something incredibly charming about his attention, and I suddenly can’t remember the last time a man truly listened to me like this.

  “It wouldn’t have been so bad if he wasn’t cheating on me, as well.” I continue, my hands literally starting to shake as I recall the way that I was treated by my ex. “I mean, the fucking nerve of that guy.”

  Derek reaches across the table and puts his hand over mine, which instantly calms me like a beautiful wave of medicine for my soul. The shaking stops and I immediately return to reality.

  “It’s okay.” Derek tells me. “You don’t need to get into it like that. I understand.”

  “No.” I tell him. “It’s good to get it out.”

  Derek nods, but keeps his warm strong hands over mine.

  “One day when Chet was out seeing one of his regular hook ups, I left the house and went to the store. I ran into an old friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in years. He was always such a nice guy back then.” I stop for a moment and stare off out the diner window. “I was so sad and lonely, so I brought him home and we started to fool around. It’s the first time that I had felt desirable in months; the first time I felt like a woman, even.”

  Derek closes his eyes, as if he already knows what’s about to come next.

  “The next thing I know.” I continue. “Chet is coming through the door and he’s pissed off; I mean really fucking pissed off.”

  I start shaking again, and this time Derek’s hand can’t do anything to calm me. I keep going though, willing myself to push through the trauma and come out safely on the other side.

  “I remember screaming.” I say, a single tear rolling down my cheek. “And then I remember Chet walking over to the closet and pulling out a gun. He shot my friend four times, first in the head and then three more times as he lie there on the floor. The guy was already dead but he just kept shooting.”

  “Oh my god.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth and land on the table before him. He’s in utter shock, his heart aching for me as he sits across the table and listens so intently; so carefully.

  “That’s when Chet turned the gun towards me.” I say. “I remember looking him in the eye and thinking, what happened to this man that I loved? The guy who would do anything for me? How did he become this entirely new person?” I laugh to myself. “But I guess there are two sides to every coin.”

  We sit in silence for a moment, the air electrified by the emotion that buzzes between us.

  “So what happened?” Derek finally asks.

  I snap out of it suddenly, as if the thought had never ever even occurred to me. “Oh.” I start. “The gun jammed.”

  “The gun jammed?” Derek repeats back to me in utter shock.

  “Lady luck, I guess.” I tell him. “I haven’t had sex since that day. Even the thought of it makes me sick.”

  Derek is dumbfounded, but his expression alone makes me feel warm and safe. Obviously,
I’ve made mistakes before when it comes to men, but this guy is different.

  Suddenly, though, Derek’s expression starts to change, he’s looking down at my arm and wearing a face that goes from concern to downright confusion.

  I immediately glance down to see what he’s looking at. My emotional explosion must have caused a slight corruption in the nanobot code, because my body is stretching and morphing again, just like back in the lab. This time, the flesh of my left arm seems to be stretching out away from my body, extending in a strange line that creeps along through the air.

  “Fuck!” I shout, jumping up from the booth and knocking over my coffee, which spills across the table with a loud clatter.

  Everyone in the restaurant turns to look at us as I cover my arm with the opposite hand and rush straight for the restroom.

  “Mandi! Are you okay?” Derek shouts from behind me, first trying to follow and then turning back to contain the coffee spill with several napkins.

  “Yeah, I’m fine! I just need a minute, I’ll be right back.” I tell him frantically.

  I burst through the restroom door and head straight for the mirror. I can already see parts of my face drifting away as the nanobot glitch continues to blossom within me, literally tearing me apart. Could this be the end?

  I grab the edge of the sink to support myself, staring back at my rapidly distorting reflection in the mirror and trying desperately to calm down. My breathing heavy and my heart slamming within my chest, I find my body in a losing battle against the corruption of my new biomechanical cells.

  Closing my eyes, I focus on collecting myself, finding a center internally that I can grab onto for just one fleeting moment. There is a calm within the center of this tornado, and when I find it I latch on tight. I remind myself that the only way through this is by staying grounded, and then I open my eyes.

  The strange projections of matter that drift away from my face are now retracting back into my body, returning to the steady form of their initial programming. I let out a sigh of relief, running my hand across my skin as it fully returns to normal.

  Suddenly, Derek is pushing through the door of the restroom behind me. Without a word he grabs me in his large, muscular arms and holds me tight, our bodies pressed together in a show of love and support that immediately fills me with warmth. I’m crying again, but not the same wild tears of frenzied emotion from before; I’m crying out of appreciation, and loss. This is one of the most incredible men I have ever met; understanding, supportive, and most of all, honest. I was such an idiot to turn him away when I did, but I had forgotten that when I closed myself off sexually, I also closed off my heart.